Aloha humans! I decided that we could have an extra post today.
I remember the first time someone called me a lady. Not a young lady, my grandfather calls me that, but a lady. It was weird.
I was 17.
Okay, so the plumbing at my mother’s house was fricked up and she really needed a wrench and some Draino. So, Mimi drove to the nearby Walmart, but since it was late she refused to go in. I was on my own, which I’d never done before. Don’t judge! My sister is only a year older than me and we always did everything together, including going to the store. The closest thing I’d ever done was walk into a tiny neighborhood grocery to buy a cucumber.
I was a bit nervous, but I was nearly an adult! Surely I could handle a measly grocery store trip. In the biggest store in town. When it was eerily empty and quiet. No prob.
As it was the dead of winter, I was wearing my coat. It was a nice green pea coat. I was also wearing a green scarf I had knit myself and black gloves that work with touch screens. Yes, what I was wearing is important. I walked in. I quickly decided that, since I only needed two items, I’d just get a basket rather than a cart. Except, there were no baskets.
Okay, no prob. It’s just two items, I could just carry them. I am a small person and those carts were really unwieldy.
I walked to the hardware area. I was uneasy. The huge emptiness of the normally loud and crowded store was making me a bit on-edge. I found the Draino first.
I took a photo of the display, sent it to my mother, then sat down to wait for a response. I was starting to reach nausea levels of nervous. My mother sent me a pic of the bottle she wanted, then told me to get the value pack of the other brand too. Since the value pack was wrapped in plastic, I had to cradle it in one arm and hold the other bottle in my other hand.
I had to find a basket somewhere.
I wandered around the front of the store for a bit and found nothing. I checked the grocery too, but nothing. As I was making my way back to hardware to find a wrench, my mother texted me. After juggling the bottles around a bit, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. She had sent me a photo of another bottle of Draino saying, “this one too.”
That’s the point where I should’ve given up and gotten a cart. Unfortunately, I was a stubborn seventeen year old who was too small to navigate the carts comfortably.
So, I resigned myself to carrying all this crap.
I walked the rest of the way back to hardware, grabbed the third bottle, and searched for a wrench. I was now carrying a bottle in each hand and had a value pack cradled in my left arm.
I found the aisle with wrenches and not-so-slowly lowered the bottles to the ground. I then inspected the wrenches carefully to find the one Mom had asked for.
It wasn’t there.
Determined to bring back something I sent her a photo of the closest thing I could find and asked her if it would work.
“Sure why not.”
There’s this video of Jaiden Animations where it shows a meter on the side. One sec, I’ll find a gif.
That was me.
Okay, fine. I was so done with this trip, this would have to do.
I was then carrying four bottles of Draino (in the same configuration as above except, instead of in my right hand, one was on my right wrist) and a wrench in my right hand.
All that was left to do was walk back to the cash registers, find one that had a cashier (no way was I gonna try to figure out self checkout on top of all this), pay, and leave.
*Kim Possible Beep*
*Quiet screams of frustration*
I put the wrench in my mouth and reached into my pocket, in hopes of being able to check the text and put my phone back without having to reply (or carry anything else). No such luck.
As soon as I began to take out my phone, I felt the value pack slipping. There was only one way to spare myself the humiliation of bursting a value pack of off-brand Draino on the floor of a near-empty WalMart at 10:30 in the evening. I went down with it.
I dropped like a sack of potatoes in the middle of the only aisle I’d been in that night that had another person in it. Luckily (and faith in humanity cracking… ly), the dude in the aisle just glanced at me and turned away. Awkward situation avoided, but come on dude! I could’ve been having a heart attack! Or injured myself! Whatever.
I recovered quickly and took out my phone. A message from Mimi.
*long suffering teenager sigh*
I picked myself up and finished making my way to the front of the store. Register 4 was the only one with a cashier, but I was too relieved that any register had someone working it to care.
Then I looked at the cashier…s. They were… fighting? It turned out they were just playing, until they saw me standing there, kinda startled. One of them ushered me in to check out. They continued to play-argue while the first one checked me out.
Suddenly she turned to her friend and asked, “Why are you even over here? You aren’t doing anything.”
“I am too! I’m helping this lady bag her stuff.”
I was already a bit on-edge but that comment really startled me. I was a really baby-faced 17 year old, or so I had thought. Turned out that in the winter clothes I was wearing, it was hard to tell my age and the design of the coat made me seem a bit older than I normally did. I was so startled, I forgot the pin to Mimi’s card.
I texted Mimi to get the pin, but I remembered it right before she responded. I gathered my bags, and receipt, and left.
And that’s the time I got called a lady for the first time, right after an especially harrowing grocery trip.
Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!