Storytime: Chim-Chim-e-nee

Aloha humans! The past two days have been very eventful. A small infestation (but more positive) of Chaetura pelagica. Fun times!

Okay, but seriously. Ages and ages ago I told the story of a bird that had gotten into our house. Well… Yesterday we discovered the type of that original bird. Because it’s nest and fledglings fell into our fireplace. Turns out, we don’t have a damper! Our fireplace was full of eggshells, bird poop, and babies. The rain had knocked down a nest with four or five fledglings (one of them might’ve been an older nestling still).

By the way, that Latin name is for Chimney Swifts.

We called maybe five different wildlife centers to find out what to do. We kept getting redirected and given more phone numbers until finally a bird specialist told us what was up. She said that since they’re chimney swifts we just need to place them on the inner wall of the chimney above the damper. We don’t have a damper, so we just had to put them above the inner ledge.

The five babies were attached to the decorative grate we had placed in front of the fireplace. We slowly pulled the grate away, Lizzie singing the whole time (she had been while we were calling too to keep them calm. It worked really well! They clustered together as close to her as they could get to listen. It was some Snow White magic!), and pried them off the grate and gently place them in a box with a towel in it. I say we, it was actual Mom. She (like I) is terrified of birds, but she did what she had to do. She also wore gardening gloves as she did.

Then, I shone a light on a mirror so she could see where to put the babies. She carefully placed them on the inner wall, then she put the grate in front of the fireplace, flush with the wall so nothing could get out. We heard them get quieter as they climbed. I felt kinda guilty because I had freaked out and refused to help. I was scared, what do ya want! I did do some research to help me calm down, but I couldn’t work up the nerve to do anything actually helpful. Whatever, we thought we were done.

We were wrong.

I woke up to Lizzie explaining that there was a bird caught between a window and a whiteboard a good ways away from the chimney.

Great.

I was less scared and more annoyed now. Why must our lives be plagued by birds! I took a look. It was a bit disheveled, so we thought it might be a fledgling, but it was clear it could only have gotten there by flying.

It was not a fledgling.

We decided that the best solution was to remove the screen of the window from the outside, open the window, and let the bird fly out.

Problem: We saw a wasp nest between the screen and window.

Solution: Remove the screen very carefully.

I may be scared of birds, but I’m not scared of wasps. I volunteered to remove the screen. I got in my wasp hunting gear, mentioned before here, and went around to remove the screen.

It was already popped out a bit at the bottom, so I just grabbed the bottom and pulled it up. The wasp nest was empty.

ugh

I pulled the screen all the way out and got my first good look at our bird friend. Definitely an adult. Actually quite pretty. I wish I’d gotten a good picture. All I got was a picture of the tail from beside the whiteboard.

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See? It’s that weird shape back there. That’s a birb.

Anyway, screen removed, now we have to open the window. Mom tried to grab the window from the top to open it. No luck. You can’t really get a grip on it that way. I decided to try to open it from the outside. It took some convincing, but I got Mom to agree with that plan.

So, I went back outside to look at the window. It was cracked open just the tiniest bit. I expressed this to Mom and Lizzie (Mimi had decided she wanted nothing to do with this one, since she single-handedly dealt with the last one. Rood.) via exaggerated gestures and shouting.

Then, I hooked my fingers under the window and slowly pulled it up. I got it as high as I could before *ahem*… chickening out. The others held the window up, until they discovered I had raised it enough that it would stay open on it’s own. Mom kept her hand on it just in case, but we were good.

Except the frickin bird wouldn’t leave! It just sat there!

Mom: “I think it’s in shock.”

Me: shouts in an attempt to startle it

Mom: “That’s just mean.”

Me: “I guess we just gotta nudge it, then it’ll go”

So, I reached down to nudge it, then thought, “hold on!” I turned around and grabbed a stick thing we had attempted to use to open the window earlier (I’m not gonna say it was a toilet brush handle… just the handle). I slowly lowered the end towards the bird, and carefully… just… touched it.

It immediately took off out the window and flew away. I won’t lie, I jumped a bit when it moved, but mission accomplished! We shut the window and put a lock on it. We decided to leave the screen for later.

I started listing off possibilities for who this bird could be in relation to the babies we saved yesterday. Sometimes a bird from the flock will stay with a mating pair to help raise the nestlings/fledglings. So, this could’ve been a parent or “nanny.” Either way, we came to the conclusion that this bird was probably in the nest when it fell, and had left the fireplace to find a way out. Instead, it got stuck.

So, yeah. I made up for yesterday’s un-helpfulness by doing everything (according to Mom). Liz did sing to this one, but since it was an adult, it didn’t help quite as much. Still, it did keep it calm enough for it not to fly around the whole house.

Anyway, that’s my story.

Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie

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Storytime: Friends You Haven’t Met

Aloha humans! Ever heard the phrase “strangers are just friends you haven’t met?” I want to make it obvious where the title came from.

ANYWHO!

Today, for Valentine’s, Mimi, Lizzie, Blue, and I all went to IHOP for dinner. As we are being seated, I see a girl sitting at a booth and, for whatever reason, I take a note of her. Lizzie would claim it was my psychic powers acting up if I told her. Anyway, we’re seated, we order, now we’re waiting.

As we are waiting, Mambo No. 5 starts playing over the speakers. I turn to Lizzie and say, “Monika.”

She giggles and we start saying Monika in time with the names and Mimi gets kinda irritated. We start to explain the meme, when, from over in the direction of the booth with the girl, we hear, “I know exactly what you’re talking about!”

I turn and say, “Thank you!”

There were now two girls in the booth, and it was the new one that had spoken up. Tehy return to eating and my family returns to talking.

A little time passed.

Mimi asks about a recording Lizzie and I did that we ended up losing. I start explaining the process of recording and editing, and what exactly happened to the hour of footage we lost, when I suddenly:

What’s your YouTube?”

The girl I’d noticed when we walked in was standing at the end of our booth holding out her phone. I take it and type in my username.

“Cool. I heard you talking and I was like ‘Oh, a YouTuber!’ so I wanted to subscribe.”

I was so frickin’ zazzed. I sat bouncing in my seat for a while before the food came and I pulled myself together.

And that’s how I gained to (possible) subscribers today.

Some cool things about this:

  1. Bonding with random strangers over memes and YouTube
  2. Someone I don’t know well taking an interest in my YouTube channel
  3. Me getting a feeling that one of those girls was gonna pipe up during the parts of the conversation before they did. I’m not even kidding, I could kinda feel them listening to the conversation. Like when someone is staring at you and you can feel it? But a bit nicer.

Anyway, that’s all I got. Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie

 

Storytime: A Midsummer Night’s Jersey

Aloha humans! I actually remembered something funny! What?! Okay, in all seriousness, here is the story of my one and only time acting.

It was 7th grade, the annual One Act Play competition. In middle school, One Act Play was a contest that you only did once, it didn’t have stages like it did in High School (no district, region, state). Our school decided to do a parody of A Midsummer Night’s Dream called: Midsummer/Jersey.

It’s even worse than it sounds. It is straight up a Jersey Shore parody of Shakespeare’s classic comedy.

I really, really wanted to play Puck. Unfortunately, the director was also the school’s guidance counselor, and that meant lots of favouritism. I lost the part to a girl we’ll call… Opal. I hated her for a good three weeks after that. We’re chill now. I assume. I haven’t talked to her since High School.

Instead, I played a fairy named Moonbeam and a girl named… um… (“Lizzie, what was my character’s name?” “Oh, uh… I don’t remember…” “TO GOOGLE!”) Franci, or Terri, or whatever. I think Franci. Franci Flute. She plays Juliet in the play at the end.

I was not exactly a majour character, so… I barely remember the plot, I just remember my bits.

Oh, and guess who else was in this play? My sister! I’d invite her to come comment, but she’s already gonna be guest starring on my YouTube later, so we’ll save her til then, alright?

Anyway, she played Nikki Bottom. Who plays Romeo. That was funny. And awkward.

Okay, now for some stories from our performance!

  • There’s this bit where Puck is supposed to incorrectly finish Oberon’s sentence. Oberon is about to say heart, Puck returns exclaiming that he is “back!” Funny concept, but Opal didn’t quite get the joke. Whenever she came on stage she’d just say the word back, like purposely finishing the sentence. This finally drove me crazy enough that I explained, “You’re supposed to say back like you’re telling Oberon that you’re back, not like the part of the body.” The I demonstrated, “Baaack!” She used the exact way I said it and was praised for it. I’m still proud of myself for that.
  • For the end, during the Romeo and Juliet play-within-a-play, we needed a dagger. All we had in our atrocious prop room was a broad sword. After Lizzie spent several practices trying to work out how to use this sword as a dagger without looking like an idiot, the director finally turned it over to the wood shop to get it shortened. It was much easier after that.
  • At the point where Juliet dies at the end, I was supposed to dramatically say “Adieu! Adieu! Adieu!” and collapse dead on top of “Romeo.” The director decided it would be better if I punctuated each “Adieu!” by collapsing, and then rising again, essentially teasing the audience into not knowing if I’m alive or dead yet. Funny in theory, literally painfully awkward in practice. Turns out collapsing dead, in a convincing manner, on top of someone is quite painful and it was really hard for Liz to not grunt or exclaim in pain when I fell on her. Falling onto someone isn’t exactly a picnic either, so in the end, I just said my “Adieu!”s really dramatically and let that be the end of it.
  • Not really from the show, but related. The prop room was an absolute mess and it was difficult to find the costumes and set pieces we needed for the show. So, we decided to organize it. I was put in charge of this big box full of hats. As I was digging through the hats, I found a dead mouse in the bottom of the box, surrounded by ruined hats. We threw the box out after that. I think they’ve replaced it with a plastic bin with a lid.
  • In an effort to mimic Jersey Shore fashion, all the girls were supposed to wear bumps in their hair. I was not a fan of this plan. Luckily, I happened to have a sparkly, black trilby. It matched my generic background character outfit pretty well, so I asked the director if I could wear it. I got the green light and didn’t have to sit in hair and makeup for two hours. Just one. For the makeup. Theater makeup is intense, people.
  • At the end of our show, we have a bit where the characters celebrate completing the play-within-a-play by dancing to Katy Perry’s Firework. It was one of very few prerecorded sound effects, so it shouldn’t have been difficult to play. Except, once, it wouldn’t play. In the middle of a performance. We had to compensate by awkwardly humming the music as we danced around the stage. Woo.
  • My sister used to be super anti-cussing. You wouldn’t know it now, she’s practically a sailor, but 8th grade (for her, 7th for me) was right around the time she was getting over that. And one of her lines was, “They’re trying to make an ass out of me!” She giggled almost every time she said it. She laughed at the contest!
  • Speaking of Lizzie! Instead of just a donkey head, or long ears, or something that made sense, our director bought a donkey ONSIE for her transformation. She had to go backstage, put on a onsie, put on her overshirt over it, and get back on stage within the space of about 20 seconds. We only truly pulled it off once. Contest day.
  • Finally, and most importantly, show day. The one true time we had to do this and do it well. We were all nervous, but pretty stoked. For this one night, all of our differences, our arguing, and our pettiness melted away. We were a team, a family. Trust me, it did not last. It didn’t even last to our next play (there was a student run one, just for fun). I’m getting off topic. The point is, we really came together for this. Hair and makeup worked the fastest and had us looking the best they’d ever done, props were all ready for striking, lights and sounds were on point, the stage crew (which was just whatever actors weren’t on stage at any given moment) were super efficient. It was truly our best show. Except when Lizzie corpsed, but shhhh…. Drama aside (hahahahahaha), we won. First place! WOOOOT! I get excited just remembering it. I never talked to those people afterwards (except Opal, she’s chill)(probably)(and obviously Lizzie).

So, that’s it. My acting career. One play (and I guess you can count this one choir show, but…)(and the time I did a one-man performance of BMC for Lizzie’s B-day, but that was self-run and my acting SUCKED). ANYway, you humans should comment if you have any funny acting stories. I love hearing/reading them, so bring it on! If anyone actually does this, I’d be willing to read them out for a video if you give permission.

Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie

Storytime: Tennis Boy

Aloha humans!

Today was my first day back in tennis practice and an interesting occurrence took place.

First, I need to describe my outfit: A Jacksepticeye T-Shirt, a matching hat, team pants (sweats, with fabric kinda like a windbreaker, they’re a bit big on me), and my hair was tied up in a bun. I was carrying my tennis racket and a tube of tennis balls

The courts I practice at are public courts by a high school. There was a tee-ball practice going on there, so after working on my serve for a bit, I left. On my way home, I walked past the middle school building. As I was walking by, a group of kids, two girls and a boy, exited the building.

“Hi tennis boy-” one of the girls called out, cutting off in the middle of the letter y. I guess she must’ve noticed that I have boobs at that point. I laughed it off and kept walking.

So yeah, first I’ve written about being called a lady, now about being called a boy. What next?

Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie

P.S: I know I’ve just announced a hiatus, but I said it would last until I had something to tell. Now this happened. If more things like this keep happening, I will end the hiatus. If not, it’ll go on a bit longer. Hang in there!

Storytime: “Lady?”

Aloha humans! I decided that we could have an extra post today.

I remember the first time someone called me a lady. Not a young lady, my grandfather calls me that, but a lady. It was weird.

I was 17.

Okay, so the plumbing at my mother’s house was fricked up and she really needed a wrench and some Draino. So, Mimi drove to the nearby Walmart, but since it was late she refused to go in. I was on my own, which I’d never done before. Don’t judge! My sister is only a year older than me and we always did everything together, including going to the store. The closest thing I’d ever done was walk into a tiny neighborhood grocery to buy a cucumber.

I was a bit nervous, but I was nearly an adult! Surely I could handle a measly grocery store trip. In the biggest store in town. When it was eerily empty and quiet. No prob.

As it was the dead of winter, I was wearing my coat. It was a nice green pea coat. I was also wearing a green scarf I had knit myself and black gloves that work with touch screens. Yes, what I was wearing is important. I walked in. I quickly decided that, since I only needed two items, I’d just get a basket rather than a cart. Except, there were no baskets.

Okay, no prob. It’s just two items, I could just carry them. I am a small person and those carts were really unwieldy.

I walked to the hardware area. I was uneasy. The huge emptiness of the normally loud and crowded store was making me a bit on-edge. I found the Draino first.

I took a photo of the display, sent it to my mother, then sat down to wait for a response. I was starting to reach nausea levels of nervous. My mother sent me a pic of the bottle she wanted, then told me to get the value pack of the other brand too. Since the value pack was wrapped in plastic, I had to cradle it in one arm and hold the other bottle in my other hand.

I had to find a basket somewhere.

I wandered around the front of the store for a bit and found nothing. I checked the grocery too, but nothing. As I was making my way back to hardware to find a wrench, my mother texted me. After juggling the bottles around a bit, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. She had sent me a photo of another bottle of Draino saying, “this one too.”

That’s the point where I should’ve given up and gotten a cart. Unfortunately, I was a stubborn seventeen year old who was too small to navigate the carts comfortably.

So, I resigned myself to carrying all this crap.

I walked the rest of the way back to hardware, grabbed the third bottle, and searched for a wrench. I was now carrying a bottle in each hand and had a value pack cradled in my left arm.

I found the aisle with wrenches and not-so-slowly lowered the bottles to the ground. I then inspected the wrenches carefully to find the one Mom had asked for.

It wasn’t there.

“F***.”

Determined to bring back something I sent her a photo of the closest thing I could find and asked her if it would work.

“Sure why not.”

There’s this video of Jaiden Animations where it shows a meter on the side. One sec, I’ll find a gif.

Image result for jaiden animations blood pressure gif

Image result for jaiden animations blood pressure gif

That was me.

Okay, fine. I was so done with this trip, this would have to do.

I was then carrying four bottles of Draino (in the same configuration as above except, instead of in my right hand, one was on my right wrist) and a wrench in my right hand.

All that was left to do was walk back to the cash registers, find one that had a cashier (no way was I gonna try to figure out self checkout on top of all this), pay, and leave.

*Kim Possible Beep*

*Quiet screams of frustration*

I put the wrench in my mouth and reached into my pocket, in hopes of being able to check the text and put my phone back without having to reply (or carry anything else). No such luck.

As soon as I began to take out my phone, I felt the value pack slipping. There was only one way to spare myself the humiliation of bursting a value pack of off-brand Draino on the floor of a near-empty WalMart at 10:30 in the evening. I went down with it.

I dropped like a sack of potatoes in the middle of the only aisle I’d been in that night that had another person in it. Luckily (and faith in humanity cracking… ly), the dude in the aisle just glanced at me and turned away. Awkward situation avoided, but come on dude! I could’ve been having a heart attack! Or injured myself! Whatever.

I recovered quickly and took out my phone. A message from Mimi.

“You okay?”

*long suffering teenager sigh*

“Yes”

I picked myself up and finished making my way to the front of the store. Register 4 was the only one with a cashier, but I was too relieved that any register had someone working it to care.

Then I looked at the cashier…s. They were… fighting? It turned out they were just playing, until they saw me standing there, kinda startled. One of them ushered me in to check out. They continued to play-argue while the first one checked me out.

Suddenly she turned to her friend and asked, “Why are you even over here? You aren’t doing anything.”

“I am too! I’m helping this lady bag her stuff.”

I was already a bit on-edge but that comment really startled me. I was a really baby-faced 17 year old, or so I had thought. Turned out that in the winter clothes I was wearing, it was hard to tell my age and the design of the coat made me seem a bit older than I normally did. I was so startled, I forgot the pin to Mimi’s card.

I texted Mimi to get the pin, but I remembered it right before she responded. I gathered my bags, and receipt, and left.

And that’s the time I got called a lady for the first time, right after an especially harrowing grocery trip.

Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie

Storytime? Rant? Something: Insomnia

Aloha humans! Since I had this experience last night, I figured I may as well share. It’s not funny, I’m afraid, so if you’re here for comedy, maybe skip this post.

Insomnia.

Although it’s inconsistent, I do often have a problem with insomnia, especially when i’m not on break from class. The semester break I’m currently on is about to come to an end, and, unexpectedly, that seems to have caused the problem to reappear.

Last night, I was watching Batman when the website I was on decided to stop loading. It was around 10 pm, so I figured that was a sign that I should go to sleep. I laid down, closed my eyes, and used my usual method of falling asleep.  started focusing on one topic and let my mind wander from there until I was sound asleep. This method has always ad varied results, but it is the most reliable one I have short of self-hypnosis.

Except last night it decided not to work.

This was the first time since break, so I figured that I’d slept in too long that day and just needed to tire myself out. I got out my computer and started reading stories on a FFN account that had been recommended to me. Since most of the stories were twelve chapters long,  I figured I’d be lucky if I made it through one before I was fast asleep.

Out of 16 stories, I finished 13 and a half before I finally fell asleep. Here’s how it went:

I finished the first one and felt really tired and the beginnings of a headache (which always happens to me when I stay up too late). In an attempt to prevent the headache, I decided it was time to try to sleep again. I laid down and soon after I could feel my heartbeat in my head and legs.

Nope.

I knew that feeling meant that I wasn’t going to sleep at a reasonable time. I waited to see if the feeling would pass on its own, but I didn’t get my hopes up. Shortly after, I gave up.

I got up, got a drink of water and read the next story on the list.

Second attempt, same result.

Went to the restroom, read the next 3 stories, tried again.

Failure.

By this time, my head was pounding. I know (and knew then) that reading off my screen certainly wasn’t helping the headache, but it was that or turning on my light, getting out a print book, and admitting defeat.

Now way I was doing that.

The next few hours passed in a blur of plot lines and wandering around the house in hopes of getting sleepy. Finally, at about 3 in the morning, halfway through the 14th story, I ran out of energy. I laid down, turned off my computer, and was relieved when I couldn’t feel my heartbeat in my head.

The next thing I knew, it was one in the afternoon today.

So, that’s my experience last night, and a fairly typically experience in my life. Sometimes, I do give up and read a print book and other times I watch YouTube videos instead, since those don’t require quite as much brain power as reading does.

If any of you have had similar experiences, don’t hesitate to share them (although given the track record of this blog, no one will end up sharing).

Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie

Storytime: Binks’ Brew

Aloha humans! Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I had to do a lot of family stuff. I’ll probably be gone again coming up.

My little brother loves Christmas. The moment we finish eating Thanksgiving, Christmas music is allowed. The next day, the tree at my dad’s goes up. My mom, however, leaves the tree set up to us.

This kinda comes back to my first post. That was taking down a tree, this is putting it up. Normally, this would mean it’s been almost a year, but, in reality, it’s been about six months. This one isn’t about the struggles of constructing the tree. It’s about how my sister and I spent the time building it.

Okay, keeping in mind we have two trees. Here’s how it went.

About 5 minutes before, I showed Lizzie the English dub of the song “Binks’ Brew” from One Piece. It had a sad bit (no spoilers) and she said, “Ow, my heart!” (I promise this will be important).

Then we were told to build the trees, so I started on the big green one and she built the smaller silver one really quickly. Last year, when I was building the tree, I listened to skydoesminecraft’s (now NetNobody) Roommates series. So, I asked Liz what she wanted to listen to. After a pause, she went with Markiplier’s GTA V playlist.

However, she was driving me irrationally crazy. She kept talking while I tried to voice search the playlist she wanted. So, to annoy her back, I played “Binks’ Brew” again. Didn’t do much to annoy her, but the video had lyrics, so I sang along a bit.

Liz was surprised to hear me sing along, “Wow, you really do know this song.”

“Nope. It’s a lyrics video.”

A sucker for music, she came and read over my shoulder and we sang it together a few times, with varying levels of success. Afterward, when we were listening to the GTA playlist, we joked a bit about the song. How it was, “This universe’s (The One Piece one) more narratively appropriate equivalent to “What Would You Do With a Drunken Sailor.” It was pretty fun.

Anyway, tl;dr: “Binks’ Brew.” Google it.

Thanks for reading humans, love ya all! Byeeeeee!

-Lorie